Thoughts on Paper – Christmas Eve

I was going through my drawer in our office today, found the usual tape, flash drives, brain shaped squishy ball stress reliever, address labels (yes, I still like to write a letter every so often), sticky notes and one sticky note that apparently I had written myself a note on. It says, “cut out lactose, hard cheese and go to Wales”. Strange thoughts to string together, don’t you think?

Well, it’s Christmas Eve and it’s very quiet around here; not what I am used to. We used to celebrate Christmas Eve with any family that wanted to join us. My side was always busy, but it was a tradition with my husband’s side of the family. We would always have dinner at my mother in laws house, with Bill and his sister, usually one of her dogs, a cousin or two and a couple from their Italian club. It was warm, homey and full of laughter and good cheer. When my mother in law Annie, became overwhelmed by all the fuss of hosting a dinner; I jumped at the opportunity. Then it became Christmas Eve at our home for years. Last year Annie left us and so did my cousin Julie (who did come to our home for celebrations); this year it is my mother who has left us along with her partner (boyfriend, common law husband) Roz. I always have a hard time describing my mom’s relationship, because it was 15 years or so and I don’t want to belittle it; but my dad was her husband and I feel I must respect that. Lastly, my daughter and her husband and our granddaughter moved to Colorado and my sister in law and her husband now live on the East Coast. So, it’s quiet here and I really don’t like it. Grandpa, my husband’s step dad, will be with us today and we are awaiting his arrival.

There has been a lot of time to think about the holidays and how things in general are changing and how quickly time is slipping by. I realize I need to change how I do and see things. I have been putting an extra effort into pushing myself past the pain and other issues I deal with. It is necessary.

Most of my friends have moved to another state and the school friends I have kept in touch with, I need to put more effort into those relationships. I need to get out there. I have become too comfortable living behind the door of my home. It’s a big enough home that I don’t get bored and I have my little girl Maddie with me all the time. I did go to a “neighborhood breakfast” at, well a neighbor’s house, one street over last week. I am very friendly with all my neighbors and my next door neighbor was planning to go to the breakfast as well. Anyway, I went and had a very good time. I met a few ladies that I had only heard stories about, and some new additions that were very sweet. The girls I already knew and have good relationships with, you know the kind you throw a snarky comment to and they don’t get offended, they just laugh it off. I have to say I enjoyed it.

Other things I have been thinking about are possibly attending church again. I was raised Catholic, my Dad referred to me as a “non practicing Catholic” because I was divorced and there were a few things I did not and still do not agree with the church on. I am spiritual and I pray every day and night. I talk to souls I have lost when I need them. I just chat it up with them. I don’t think they mind. I haven’t found a church to go to only because I’m not sure what religion would be the right one for me. Guess maybe I should just give them all a try? I just want to meet people and listen to sermons again. I try to read the bible and I have a difficult time with it. I do have a bible a girlfriend gave me that is geared toward women; I may give that one a try.

Sorry about that, my mind really wandered today! Let’s switch gears, shall we? Today is a day to be with loved ones, whether it is your family, your friends, your significant other, or your pet. Let the spirit of this day envelope you. The day before Christ was born. It is a very special day. If that is not where your head is, or you celebrate a different religion, put on a great movie like “A Christmas Carol”, or “Home Alone”, if you have young ones. Whatever you do, feel the love of those around you and give that love back to them. Be happy, be thankful, be blessed. Find your peace.

Peace out.

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