I just finished putting up cobwebs on my front porch to try and get into the spirit; it’s hard. I’m still thinking of calling mom and remembering, she’s not there. This is going to be a difficult holiday season no matter how I look at it. I lost my mother-in-law and my sweet cousin last year, my mother a month ago, my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter moved out of state, my sisters are either out of state or live far away and even my sister-in-law moved out of state. Damn California! I blame you for me having to lose my daughter and sister-in-law to your crazy ideals.

Seriously though, this year it will be just my husband, myself and our son. One of my first thoughts was “I should have had more kids! It’s his fault.” I swear I was actually mad at him for a day or so. We really liked having Thanksgiving at our house and having family over. Bits from my family and bits from his; it was always a good time. The warmth that the feelings of love give a home over the holidays is palpable if done right. I am going to miss that. I am going to miss it so much.

I remember my mom telling me that they don’t celebrate holidays anymore. Every day is just like the rest, which frightened me because I don’t think I can live like that. Really. It made me very sad and so I started hosting Thanksgiving at my house. The first one my mom and her boyfriend came, along with one of my sisters and her boyfriend and even his mother! It was small, and it was wonderful! After about the third year, my mom’s boyfriend could no longer make the trip and I had included my mother’s sister, and my cousin, who I miss dearly. Then the in-laws (cousins) joined in. One year we had a house full and that was probably the best one yet, except my mother didn’t make it that year.

The thought of not having that family dinner, sitting on the couch, stuffed to the gills, watching football; I’m too young to lose that. My Christmas Eve dinner was very special as well; but everyone who attended has now moved out of state. I love to bake up a storm, for no reason except to be able to nibble on my favorite cookies or fudge and just to fill the house with the smells of the holiday. To make gingerbread men with my son who is in his mid-twenties. It’s all great stuff and this year none of it will be happening.

I have to figure out a way to include my kids in my holidays, my sisters, maybe we will have to travel more. Whatever I have to do, I will do it. It’s way too soon for me to not have my family around me for the holidays. Sheesh!

Everyone have a safe Halloween!