When you have a person in your life who means everything to you and I mean everything; the loss of that individual can be monumental and unbearable. It can also be a feeling of ease, comfort and relief that a person is no longer in pain. That one constant in my life since I was born was my mom. The woman who was my physical and mental guide from childhood to adulthood and beyond. I feel her loss so profoundly. It is an actual ache in my chest; tears fill my eyes at the slightest thought of her.
How do you get past such a loss? Time, is what most would say. I see it more as a countdown to when we can be together again. Until then, I am going to wonder and worry about you, and knowing me, I will talk to you incessantly! I picture you with Dad and your brother, your parents, and our very large family dispersed among the stars. That comforts me.
Dad passed away the day after Easter, 1999 and I still talk to him often. It used to be daily; now it is probably once a week, usually in my prayers. Maybe that is what the passage of time does; it lessens our need for that comfort. We let them go a little bit. Difficult as it is, it happens without notice. In fact, I hadn’t even realized that my conversations with Dad had eased over the years. I know they will never completely leave me though.
Here we are, two weeks after my mothers death and I am conversing with her everyday. Stopping myself from picking up the phone to tell her something funny that happened to myself or my kids, or just to say hi. I don’t want those things to stop; but I know they will. I will realize that she is all right, she is with Dad, she is where she is meant to be. I still see her beautiful blue eyes looking up at me from her hospital bed in the ER as I stroked her hair, telling me she loves me, over and over again. I have that moment on tape and it is also seared into my mind.
These incidents in life are not mistakes; at least that is my belief. When it is my time, there will be no stopping it. I’m comforted by the thought that there are so many people I love who have passed that I will get to hug, hold and see in whatever form our energy becomes at the end. Although, it really isn’t the end. There is more to this journey, I have to believe that.
Thank you for indulging me, I needed to get these thoughts out of my head and on “paper”. Life on earth is short, don’t waste it. Let people know you love them; not just family, but friends too. Let people know how you feel. It will help you feel more at peace.
Love to all.
2 thoughts on “My World Has Dimmed”
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your words described exactly how I’ve felt in losing my mom. But, time will heal your heart and you memories will forever keep them alive in your heart. Stay strong and know that she is definitely looking out for you alongside your father. ❤
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Thank you Maria.