When you have a person in your life who means everything to you and I mean everything; the loss of that individual can be monumental and unbearable. It can also be a feeling of ease, comfort and relief that a person is no longer in pain. That one constant in my life since I was born was my mom. The woman who was my physical and mental guide from childhood to adulthood and beyond. I feel her loss so profoundly. It is an actual ache in my chest; tears fill my eyes at the slightest thought of her.
How do you get past such a loss? Time, is what most would say. I see it more as a countdown to when we can be together again. Until then, I am going to wonder and worry about you, and knowing me, I will talk to you incessantly! I picture you with Dad and your brother, your parents, and our very large family dispersed among the stars. That comforts me.
Dad passed away the day after Easter, 1999 and I still talk to him often. It used to be daily; now it is probably once a week, usually in my prayers. Maybe that is what the passage of time does; it lessens our need for that comfort. We let them go a little bit. Difficult as it is, it happens without notice. In fact, I hadn’t even realized that my conversations with Dad had eased over the years. I know they will never completely leave me though.
Here we are, two weeks after my mothers death and I am conversing with her everyday. Stopping myself from picking up the phone to tell her something funny that happened to myself or my kids, or just to say hi. I don’t want those things to stop; but I know they will. I will realize that she is all right, she is with Dad, she is where she is meant to be. I still see her beautiful blue eyes looking up at me from her hospital bed in the ER as I stroked her hair, telling me she loves me, over and over again. I have that moment on tape and it is also seared into my mind.
These incidents in life are not mistakes; at least that is my belief. When it is my time, there will be no stopping it. I’m comforted by the thought that there are so many people I love who have passed that I will get to hug, hold and see in whatever form our energy becomes at the end. Although, it really isn’t the end. There is more to this journey, I have to believe that.
Thank you for indulging me, I needed to get these thoughts out of my head and on “paper”. Life on earth is short, don’t waste it. Let people know you love them; not just family, but friends too. Let people know how you feel. It will help you feel more at peace.
Love to all.