Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I probably ask myself this question on a monthly basis. Should I keep my little web page, or should I junk it? It is kind of a joke because in all honesty maybe 10 people read my page and I don’t even know if they get anything from it at all. One of the pluses for me, is that it gives me something to do other than dwell on being stranded at home without a job. It can also take my mind off my Lupus symptoms and my chronic headaches and migraines which is a beneficial thing.

But who really cares? I can go on a tirade about the state of our country and the warped thinking of our younger generations who are embracing socialism; but does that make any difference in the large scheme of things? Not really. It does help me blow off some steam, which can feel pretty darn good though. Do I change any minds? No. Same as it is on social media; I can lay out my reasons for why I support what I do; but, it doesn’t change a thing. Not one liberal is going to have a “come to Jesus” moment in response to something I write.

Do I help anyone feel better? Maybe, I don’t really know. I would love some feedback; however, I am not sure how to entice people to respond. I need to feel as though I am doing something worthwhile with my life and that I have a purpose since my disability. It’s a terrible feeling to not understand why your here on earth and when your financial earning ability is taken from you, it can knock you off your feet. My self worth plummeted, I lost a sense of self and I have no one around that truly understands what is going on with me. It isn’t just about the money, it is also about my dwindling ability to be able to remember things. Feeling as though I have lost my ability to function on the same intellectual level as I did when I was employed. I feel as though I have no purpose other than cleaning and cooking. The sad part is, most days I can’t cook and clean due to my physical problems. Can you say “failure”? I can and I have been saying it more and more often.

So what do I do? Bitch and moan online with the ten of you who read my words from time to time? Do I learn how to maybe do this better and see if I am able to get some responses and more interactivity? Or should I try and find something that I am good at and just keep trying? I could never give up completely; however, I would love to hear what direction some of you might take if you were in my position. If your up for it, give me a comment or two … I’ll take whatever you got!

Peace out.

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